Saturday, April 05, 2008
( 9:51 AM ) Pam
It's so hard to believe that it is one year ago today that Jenny was declared dead by the Broward County Police Department. One year ago as of 1:30 this morning. Being here in Florida, the memory of those first moments of awareness, when Norrie called and told me that there had been an accident, and the days, weeks, and months that followed resonate so clearly.
Yesterday we went to the accident site, laying flowers at the place where the accident occurred, and tried to make sense of the events leading up to the accident with my mother. "That's the left turn lane she was in," she said, "and there's the place where they were staying. That's where she was going." But, of course, she never made it.
Thinking about Jen and Gus and, of course, about Kris, who is in California for the weekend with friends, brings back feelings of loss and grief, but also joy and delight. Jenny was so full of life, and loved dearly the warmth and the heat of places like Florida. She loved the ocean, and it's hard not to think about her and her last days here as we say goodbye.
Norrie and I took Jen's ashes yesterday, transferred from the bag in which they arrived to a biodegradable urn that will be left at sea once her ashes are scattered. It's hard to imagine a life so full as Jenny's being contained in this small bag of what is, essentially, bones. But of course, it's not Jenny in that urn, but the material manifestation of her life here on earth. Jenny could never be contained, even from the earliest days of her life here on earth, and she never will be. She is everywhere in and around us, everywhere in and around me.
I love you, baby sister, and I miss you each and every day.
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Monday, March 24, 2008
( 12:51 PM ) Pam
There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness
out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space
too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness
we are sanctioned into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open to the place inside
which is unbreakable and whole,
while learning to sing.
--Rashani,1991 [#]
Saturday, March 01, 2008
( 9:08 PM ) Pam
I keep thinking I'm going to be better about posting to my blog, but here I sit with so many half-finished blog entries. I've been thinking about what the block is, and I'm realizing that part of it is that I'm a writer. I want to think about what I've written before it sees the light of day. Think and reflect. And then edit and rewrite. Repeat.
Maybe someday these half-written entries will see the light of day. [#]
Looking for Daughters of Darkness? It’s just a click away.
I am a writer and web designer now living in Seattle. My first love is monster movies, and vampires are my favorite of all the classic monsters. I have written and edited four books and maintain five web sites. I spend much of my spare time writing for, editing and maintaining MonsterZine.com, my online magazine dedicated to thought-provoking discussions of classic horror films.
I am currently working for Microsoft writing documentation for Expression Web, although I still do occasional freelance work. A portfolio of sites I’ve developed is available online. If you are interested in talking about a project, please feel free to e-mail me.
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“Madmen, Visionaries and Freaks: The Films of Alejandro Jodorowsky” (in
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